


Forever & Always

by DisnerdingAvenger



Series: Engineering and Biochem [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Gen, Love, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Other, Songfic, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 17:06:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1752272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisnerdingAvenger/pseuds/DisnerdingAvenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the Parachute song. Fitz accompanies the Team on a mission regarding Hydra, and Jemma stays behind. What's she's greeted with when they arrive back at the Bus will change her life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever & Always

Jemma looked at the tiny digital clock on the microwave across the room in the kitchen for what had to be the hundredth time in the past hour, anxiously swirling her fingertip around and around the rim of her mug of steaming tea. 7:30. 8:00. 8:30. 9:00.

It was currently 9:27, and still not a single peep from anyone. Not Skye, not May, not Coulson- not Fitz.

_Not Fitz._

_He's fine,_  she tried to assure herself yet again, attempting to take a sip of her tea, although it wasn't nearly as comforting as it typically was. The entire team was on a covert assignment infiltrating a Hydra base, and they should have been back hours ago, but she really shouldn't be worried. She should be focusing on her task; ensuring that nothing goes wrong on the Bus. Although there really wasn't much to the job, which left her with plenty of time to pace and fuss and worry.

She hadn't wanted Fitz to go with them. Not after nearly losing him once to Hydra; of course, that was over a year ago now, but still. She had more reason to concern herself with his wellbeing now than ever before, and the sparkling ring on her left hand only reminded her of that fact- over, and over, and  _over_ …

_"Jemma?"_

_"Mmm?"_

_"Could you come take a look at this?"_

_Jemma had looked up from the dendrotoxin she was modifying, furrowing her brow when she caught Fitz peering into her microscope, clearly perplexed about something. What on Earth was he doing?_

_"Take a look at what?" she questioned as she approached, adjusting the rubber gloves on her hands before pulling the safety glasses from her eyes. The engineer gave her a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck._

_"I may have mucked up the microscope."_

_"How in the world did_ _**you** _ _muck up a microscope?" she'd questioned in response to that, shaking her head. He was a highly ingenious mechanical engineer; there was no way he'd have broken something as simple as a_ _**microscope** _ _and not be able to fix it in the blink of an eye._

_"I didn't break it," he said defensively, shaking his head. "I just can't get the blasted knobs to focus. I've been trying for ten minutes, and it just keeps getting blurrier no matter what I do."_

_Rolling her eyes, somewhat suspecting that there was more to this than he was letting on, Jemma had decided to humor him. Bending over the microscope, she'd peered into the ocular lens, fiddling with both the course and fine adjustment knobs._

_"Really, Leo, someone as bright as you should know perfectly well that you always adjust the-"_

_Jemma's words trailed off as the image before her came into focus, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat. Oh, this had to be some sort of a joke. What was the date? Was it April 1_ _st_ _and she hadn't even noticed? But, surely enough, when she turned around to confront the culprit, she had to look down; he wasn't at eye level with her, but down on one knee with a diamond ring glinting in its proffered velvet box._

_The slide that had come into focus after a few simple adjustments had read, in all too familiar handwriting, "Will you marry me?"_

_She hadn't had a clue what to say, instead covering her mouth with her hand, tears flooding her eyes. Here was Leopold Fitz, her best friend since she was fifteen and so much more as of late, asking her the most important question she would ever be asked and, for once, she was speechless. Fitz of all people, who had a habit of making her rant and go on for hours about anything from combining elements to Doctor Who, had taken away her capability to transfer thoughts into words with just one gesture._

_Instead she had nodded quickly, the tears spilling over as she flung herself into his arms and nestled down on his lap, pressing kiss after kiss to his face and lips, her shocked expression morphing into the brightest smile physically possible._

_"Yes! Oh, yes, you ninny! Yes, yes, yes…"_

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Jemma took a shuddering breath. Leo had proposed nearly three months ago, and they had both agreed to put off any actual wedding planning until after the Hydra issue was entirely resolved. It would just have been too difficult and inconvenient to attempt anything at the moment, given the fragile state their lives had been thrown into.

The covert mission he was currently on wasn't supposed to take nearly this long. Not long after the ninety-feet-below disaster, Ward had handed over every bit of Hydra information he possessed in an attempt to reconcile; an attempt Jemma hadn't approved of at first, but she hadn't had much say in the matter. Besides, she'd been too busy tending to her very weak, slightly amnesiac partner to do much about it. For over two weeks Fitz had lapsed back and forth in his mental state; one day he was his typical self, and the next he wouldn't have a clue who she was, nor what had happened. On days like those, she was lucky if he remembered his own name.

She had blamed Ward for Fitz's painstaking recovery, and hadn't liked it one bit when Coulson proposed that they start checking some of the locations that the traitor had provided.

But, surprisingly enough, they weren't traps. They were genuine Hydra bases, and the information gave them a significant edge against their foes. Slowly but surely, Ward had begun to gain everyone's trust again; even Fitz's, much to Jemma's disdain. She couldn't understand how he could just forgive the man who nearly caused his death, but, then again, he  _was_  Fitz; her dear, kind, all-too-forgiving Leo.

Her dear, kind, all-too-forgiving Leo got dragged away on the current Hydra takedown because Ward said that the security system was top notch at said location. While Skye could always have hacked and shut it down that way, Ward had been convinced that the place was rigged to blow at the slightest trace of a system breech. So, all too eager to help, Fitz had suggested that he tag along and shut it down manually instead of lingering behind to help Jemma guard the Bus.

Of course, the idea had horrified her. She'd quickly proposed that she come along as well, but even she knew her presence wasn't needed there. A biochemist couldn't do much in an ambush.

Thus, here she was, sitting anxiously in the kitchen, her eyes flitting between the clock on the wall and the tablet before her. Fitz had promised to message her at 7:00. It was nearly 10:00.

Something had to have gone wrong.

Surely enough, just as that thought occurred to her she heard voices. Not the voices of strangers, but the voices of her team and they weren't celebratory tones. They were panicked shouts.

Leaping out of her seat, Jemma ran for the door and rammed straight into Skye who immediately grabbed her arms and eased her back a few steps, the door sliding shut behind her with a  _swish_. The shouts and rapid footsteps passed quickly in the hallway and Jemma struggled to get out of her friend's grasp, her eyes wide with fear.

"What's going on? What's happened? Is someone hurt?"

Skye didn't answer for a long moment. She clearly didn't know how to explain.

"Something's happened. Something bad."

At that, Jemma struggled again and managed to break free, lunging for the door only to have her arm grabbed again in an attempt to restrain her.

"Simmons, listen to me! You can't just rush out there without knowing what you're going to see!"

Whirling to face Skye, panic rising rapidly in her chest, Jemma's eyes searched hers almost desperately for a sign of anything that would calm her fear. She didn't want what she was afraid of to be confirmed. She couldn't bear it.

"Who…?" she whispered shakily, and Skye hesitated again before speaking, making sure she was holding onto Jemma's arms tightly enough that she couldn't escape until she was through explaining.

"Ward was right; the place was rigged with explosives. We just didn't realize how many… or where they were hidden."

Dread was slowly seeping through Jemma's veins, turning her blood to ice.  _Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it…_

"Fitz went ahead and tried to dismantle the security system manually. We thought it worked; it  _looked_  like it worked; but it was some sort of a sick joke… a second later, the panel blew."

"But he's alright, isn't he…?" Jemma whispered, her denial sinking in. "He was far enough away that it didn't wound him…? Maybe just a scratch or two, easy to fix…?"

Skye gave her a hopeless look, and Jemma shuddered, shaking her head and backing toward the door. Skye was still speaking, clearly trying to explain the details and the severity of Leo's condition, but Jemma couldn't hear. All she heard was, "too close" "shrapnel" " _so_  much blood" and "he needs you", and she was out the door, tearing down the hallway.

This couldn't be happening. He couldn't be in critical condition because of these people- not again- not  _now_. Reaching the medical sector, she shoved past Ward with surprising strength, bursting into the room and choking on a sob. He was unconscious, lying in the same bed Skye had occupied when she was in critical condition, and she hadn't exaggerated; there was  _so much blood_ …

 _Shrapnel_ ; she'd heard that word, loud and clear. His body was punctured and perforated with pieces of glass and metal from the bomb and the panel he had been dismantling, and he was covered from head to toe in burns that looked positively agonizing, bits of his curly hair charred. The others barely seemed scathed; Coulson had blood on his cheek- which could have possibly just have been Fitz's-, May's arm looked like it was broken, and Ward was burnt about half as badly as Fitz was. Forcing back tears and hysterics, Jemma frantically went to work.

"I need something to get the shrapnel out with," she said, her voice wavering as she moved to Fitz's side, her heart hammering in her chest with fear when she realized how slow his breathing was. She needed to get to work,  _quickly_. Why was everybody just  _standing_  there?

"Please!" she shouted at them, her terror fueling the sound and it was May who stepped forward, looking reasonably less stoic than usual.

"Simmons, there's just too much. Trying to remove it all would only make the bleeding worse."

Fumbling to speak like a fish out of water, the tears trickled down Jemma's cheeks as she shook her head, moving toward them all.

"I can't just leave it in him! One piece would be manageable, but with how much there is lodged within him, he won't make it through the night-!"

Everyone, even Ward, looked pained at her words, and the reality of the situation started to weigh down on Jemma, making her frantic. No matter what she did at this point, Fitz wouldn't survive for more than a day or so, tops. If she removed the shrapnel, he would bleed out before she could tend to so many wounds. If she didn't remove it, he would simply bleed out more slowly, if bits of the glass and metal didn't lodge themselves in his heart and/or lungs first.

She couldn't fix this.

She couldn't fix Fitz.

A deadly silence had fallen in the room. No one dared to speak, and no one knew what they would say even if they could. Tears were streaming down Skye's cheeks as she lingered by the door, her arms wrapped around herself. It wasn't fair.

Her face the picture of agony, Jemma struggled to breathe through her hysterical sobs, wheezing in a breath when a weak voice whispered her name.

"Jemma…?"

She shakily turned around to look at the broken young man on the bed, her heart shattering as more tears fell. His eyes; those wonderful, big blue eyes that always shined with such wonder and curiosity and something that was there strictly for her; were glassy and he was clearly struggling to keep them open, his burnt hand extended toward her. A tiny, pained noise escaped her as Jemma hurried forward, sitting down in the chair beside his bed and clasping his hand desperately in hers, not knowing what else to do.

"Leo…" she whimpered, bringing it to her lips, her falling tears leaving streaks in the dirty patches on his calloused hand that was coated with dried blood. She was supposed to be able to fix anything; that was why she was here. That was why  _they_  were here. He was engineering, she was biochem; he fixed weapons, she fixed people. It was a sick, twisted sort of irony that the one person who she desperately needed to fix couldn't  _be_  fixed. "Leo, please…"

"Shh…" the whisper breathlessly left his lips as he did his best to stay awake, for her, moving his hand to gently cup her cheek, wiping her tears away to the best of his ability. "Don't cry, Jem… 's gonna be alright…"

He trailed off in a fit of wheezing, bloody coughs, and she felt terror grip her deep within, making her feel ill. Fumbling for tissues on the bedside table, she quickly wiped the blood away from his lips, her tears falling faster. There was nothing she could do. Her best friend, her partner, her lover, her  _soulmate_ , was dying right before her eyes, and there was nothing she could do.

"Just rest…" she found herself whispering tearfully, holding again to the hand that he had dropped in his fit, too weak to support it despite his best efforts. He was in pain; agonizing pain; and it was so terribly hard to stay awake, but he needed to push it all aside. He needed to hold on, for Jemma.

"Jemma…? Tell me… tell me about…" he was struggling to speak given how difficult it was to breathe and to stay awake, and he sucked in a breath, weakly coughing out the last two words, "our future…"

Clutching his hand as her tears fell, she shook her head, pressing her lips to his burnt knuckles again and again, sucking in a tearful breath of her own. They hadn't made any concrete plans yet, but they'd had fun more than once discussing theories; it was like being in the lab, but the experimental outcome was that of their lives. They really hadn't made many developments, but she could build on what they did have. She could paint him a picture, if she could do nothing else.

"We're going to get married on the hill behind your grandmother's home… in spring, because it won't be anything fancy and a little rain is supposed to be good luck…

"Then we're going to tour across Europe by car, because you've always wanted to take a proper road trip and modifying the engine to last us that long would be the ultimate project… Once we get back, we're going to buy a house in Glasgow and settle down properly… and we're going to have a baby; a little girl-"

"-named Penelope… after your grandmum…" he continued quietly, and she let him give her a little pull toward the bed, taking the hint and moving to lay with him, gingerly resting her head on his shoulder once she was certain it wasn't too badly wounded. "Penelope Scientia Fitz-Simmons…"

"And she'll have your hair-" Jemma started tearfully, squeezing her eyes shut as his hand moved slowly through her hair.

"-and your eyes… Your beautiful eyes…" he finished, pressing kisses to her temple.

Choking on a sob, she moved her head to press kisses to his face, tears dripping onto his cheeks. "We're going to raise her and love her, and you're going to read to her every night, and sing her the Element Song on nights where she refuses to go to sleep…"

He smiled faintly at that, relishing in the feeling of her kisses on his face, given his fingers were too burnt to have felt her lips there. The nerves were utterly seared.

"We're going to grow old together…" he mumbled, moving his hand down to rub her back. "We'll be making discoveries until we're old and grey and withered… and you'll still be impossibly gorgeous…"

"Oh, you ninny…" she whimpered, the faintest of smiles gracing her lips at his words as her lips quivered. These could very well be her last moments with Fitz; she shouldn't just be talking about their future, she should be pursuing it.

"Forget plans and rain and rolling hills…" she whispered, resting her tearstained cheek against his blood-streaked one, "Marry me here… right now…"

Leo opened his eyes again when her whispered words floated into his ears, taking as deep a breath as he could manage, moving his gaze to Skye, who looked beside herself in the doorway.

"Do me a favor…?" he asked her, and she nodded, sniffling as she spoke.

"Anything… God,  _anything_ … Just name it…"

"Remember that project I showed you a few days ago… down in the lab…?"

Skye wiped her cheeks, struggling to remember before her eyes widened with recollection. He continued to speak once he was sure she knew what he meant.

"Could you run down… and grab them for me…? I'd do it myself, but…"

She was gone before he could finish his sentence, dashing for the spiral staircase and bursting into the lab below. Jemma turned her perplexed, watery gaze to Leo, who simply gave her a faint, heartfelt smile.

"I was gonna surprise you… wait until you were ready… I got Skye to help me… Woman's opinion and all…"

"What…?" Jemma whispered just as Skye returned, running at full tilt and skidding to a stop by the bed, the faintest of smiles on her lips as she held out both of her open palms. Jemma drew in a shaking breath when she realized what she was being shown, and it took all she had not to burst into sobs again. They likely didn't have time for that.

In each of Skye's palms was a handcrafted ring plated with gold, one larger and one more dainty. Upon catching sight of the engraving in hers, Jemma couldn't help it; she burst into tears.

_I'll be beside you the whole damn time._

"Leo, they're perfect…" she managed to get out, trying to ignore the agony in her heart. In a matter of hours, that "be" would turn into a "was".

He smiled faintly at her, accepting the soft, damp kiss she pressed to his lips. He didn't like that he could taste her tears. It hurt him to see her cry.

"Sir…? Do you think you could give us a hand?" he asked quietly, and Coulson gruffly cleared his throat. He may not be the most desirable of wedding officiators but, for all intents and purposes, he was authorized to do it. Perks of being the director and they two of his agents, he supposed.

"I would be honored," he managed, stepping forward, and May and Ward followed in suit. Jemma had been right; it was nothing fancy. But it was better than letting him go knowing she waited too long to take yet another step forward in their relationship.

She took his ring in her shaking fingers, and Fitz let Skye pass him Jemma's, pressing a tender kiss to the biochemist's forehead to soothe her.

"Would either of you like to say a vow?" Coulson questioned, a bit uncertainly. The two hadn't even had time to make arrangements for a proper wedding; he highly doubted they'd had the opportunity to write their vows. But, they were both extremely bright, and thus he wasn't surprised when they both nodded, prepared to speak on the spot. In a way, it made it more heartfelt. Jemma spoke up first, allowing Fitz to gain enough of a breath so that he would be able to say a few words when it came to be his turn.

"Leo…" she ventured, her voice shaking, and she shut her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, even just a little. She wouldn't get through half of what she wanted to say in this state. "Leo," she tried again, her voice just a bit steadier, "I love you. It took me far too long to admit it to myself, and even longer to admit it to you… but nothing has ever been truer. I've never loved a single thing in my entire life more than I've loved you, because nothing truly mattered until we met…

"I was so incredibly, unbearably lonely… My peers teased me and mocked me and made me feel like some sort of freak… but then I met you."

Her tears were still flowing, and there was really no stopping that, as she continued, "There you were, all lanky limbs and curls, your blue eyes just as hopeful at the prospect of having a friend as my heart was… You came out of nowhere and picked me up at my loneliest, and made me see that I wasn't a freak, but that I was special… and that I didn't have to face everything on my own anymore…"

It was getting harder and harder to speak, the emotions overwhelming her. She couldn't cope with the thought of losing the only person who had ever truly been hers.

"You were my first friend and, because of that, you've always been my hero…" choking on her words, she brokenly finished with, "and you always will be…"

His eyes were pained, and he looked down as she slid the ring onto his finger. He couldn't leave her. He couldn't abandon this girl, this woman who was his everything; his whole world; when she needed him the most. He couldn't leave her alone to face whatever was to come, be it Hydra or anything else. They were supposed to take on the world together. The hadn't just been Fitz and Simmons for a long, long time; they were FitzSimmons; they were one entity. Each needed the other to function. How could he possibly leave her like this…?

"Jemma…" he managed, his own tears falling at this point, because he could feel everything starting to slip away no matter how hard he fought it.

_I can't leave her, I can't, please no, no, no…_

"I love you… I've always loved you… Nothing on this Earth or beyond could ever make me stop loving you…"

His eyelids were drooping, and she shook her head, clutching his hand in hers. No, it couldn't end like this. It couldn't end before he even got to finish what he was trying to tell her; that was just too cruel. They had never done anything to deserve such a bitter, unfair ending.

His voice terrifyingly low, she moved as close as she could possibly get to him, trembling as he mumbled his vows, determined to get the words out, and his stubbornness would have made her laugh in any other situation; he was too stubborn to even die until he was ready, and the thought both made her proud and killed her inside at the same time.

"You're the best friend I've ever had…" he whispered, his eyes closed now, their foreheads touching as he tried his damnedest to finish. "So please… promise me you won't cry forever…"

He knew he was dying. It was inevitable at this point, and he couldn't handle the thought of her going through the rest of her life miserable. Jemma Simmons should always be smiling, because her smile was one of the few things that kept him going even in his darkest moments.

"Just try'n remember… even if I'm not right there… 'm always beside you… an' I'll always…  _always_  love you… forever an' always… my Jemma…"

She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt his weak, shaking fingers slip the wedding band on her finger in a determined final act, his lips brushing over hers. She kissed him tearfully with more persistence, but he merely applied the faintest amount of pressure to her lips in return before he slumped beside her.

"No…" she sobbed, kissing him again and again, desperately willing him to come back to her. It couldn't end like this. Not after everything they'd been through together. "No, no…  _Leo!_ "

The shout was a strangled, broken cry, and everyone in the room flinched, not a single one of them able to hold back their tears because they had all played a part in this horrible, evil end. Skye didn't realize that the panel was rigged with trip wires until it was a second too late. May was unsuccessful in pushing Fitz out of the way. Ward didn't get to him in time to stop him from getting burned as well as ripped apart inside by all of the glass and metal. Coulson just barely dislodged the piece from a mere inch away from the boy's heart. Try as they might, they just weren't good enough, and now Simmons was the one who had to suffer for their failures.

None of them dared to move toward her as she sobbed and screamed over Leo's body, unsure of how they would even deal with such a situation. The girl hadn't just lost her best friend, her fiancé, her partner; she'd lost her other half. She was literally incomplete without Fitz.

Simmons was never going to be the same, and they knew perfectly well that it was their fault.


End file.
